Larry the Cable Guy : GIT-R-DONE!!!! Well I hope everyone runs out to see "WITLESS PROTECTION"! It opens today and me and the rest of this cast appreciate your support. We really worked hard to put out a great comedy and I'm excited about this movie and really think we hit a home run with the laughs. I wanna thank everyone in Chicago and all the small towns in Illinois for letting us barge in and film in your backyard. It was a fun time and ya'll were the best so I hope you enjoy the final product! By the way, I'm glad the writers strike is over, I hadn't written a check in 3 months! Now I can get my power back on! Has anyone seen that show on CMT "Gone Country"? It's where they take artists from other forms of music and try and turn them into country singers. So far the only one that has even come close to catching on to the country thing is Bobby Brown. He's already learned how to blow some crack out of a corn cob pipe! My buddy had a date from hell last week. He was making love to a blow up doll and he got it to close to a candle and it's butthole melted to his eyeglasses. (Hey I just report the news!) By the way, I traced my family tree yesterday and found out half of my family has appeared on Maury Povich!I did a ton of TV shows in promotion of our movie so I hope ya'll caught at least one or two of them. I would like to thank all of them for having me and I had a blast doing them. In particular I wanna thank the Tonight Show for asking me to be on for 4 nights in a row. In case ya missed it, the shows are posted on their web site and if ya get a chance to see the one with me and Joan Embry's python snake it's priceless! I couldn't have paid and trained a snake to perform the kind of comedy that critter provided. Thanks to Jay and all my friends at the Tonight Show for an awesome week!I've been watching a lot of The Weather Channel lately. Lots of snow. It looks like Nebraska AND my wife will be getting up to 3 inches on Monday! BADABING!I was able to do a cool thing on Thursday the 21st. They let me ring the bell to start the trading at NASDAQ. I wore a NASACAR shirt because it was the closest thing I had that was close wording wise to NASDAQ. It was fun and I thank them. The market then proceeded to drop 142 points. SORRY! I was there with the President of the New York Juvenile Diabetes chapter. I wanna thank everyone for bidding on my truck on BlueCollarOrDie.com to benefit Juvenile Diabetes. I don't know the name of the person as of yet but the winning bid was $22,000. You've made some kids happy. You'll get the truck after I go mudding next Tuesday and rip up the tranny! (Just kiddin!) That sum-bitch stays in my driveway until it's time to ship it! I might even wash the thing!My Nutrisystem commercials begin running in a few weeks. I think they're a riot so I'm sure you'll catch one or two as they'll probably run them 693 times a week. Also if ya need to lose weight it really works. I even got Dan Marino in a sleevless shirt and a camo hat!Well that's it for now. I had a great time promoting the movie and again thanks to all the TV and radio stations across the country for your support. Now run out and see "WITLESS PROTECTION"! The feel good movie of the year!!What others are saying..."Hilarious! I laughed so hard a foot came out of my nose." ...Jessica Alba"I want a divorce."... Larry's wife"And he calls ME fat! What an asshole!" ...Rosie O'Donnell"Wonderfull movie. I heard it twice!" ...Ronnie Milsapp"Jenny McCarthy was awesome." ...Jim Carey"Let's play plinko." ...Drew Carey"A masterpiece. I laughed, I cried, I blew the guy next to me." ...Paris Hilton"Why this Larry kid doesn't win an Oscar is a travesty." ...Robert DeNiro"I like balloons!" ...Corky from "Life Goes On"GIT-R-DONE!!! Talk to ya'll later!Larry the Cable Guy *The preceding script was for entertainment purposes only. If you're uptight, humorless, and P.C. in any way, please exit the site! Don't read this and then bitch and moan later on about it. I can't stress enough, life's too short so get over yourself. Now... me and my fans cordially invite you to pucker up and kiss our collective asses!







Comment on this story
 
Read full story at blog.myspace.com